singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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