he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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