HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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