What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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