Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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