made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
