It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
