Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
