There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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