i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize