Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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