OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
