You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize