sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
