Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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