i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize