I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm jealous of your bromance
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize