hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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