BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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