so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
