Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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