Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
