we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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