weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize