The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize