dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
