Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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