he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
