this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
