Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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