I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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