i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
