I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
