I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
