areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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