you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
