They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
