I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
