Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
