piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
