I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
