dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
FUCK WHALES
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