what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
