I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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