He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
