you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
