taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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