I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
