no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
