the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
