cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
