I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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