It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
