His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She even gives head with a lisp.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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