Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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