At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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