I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize