Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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