Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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