i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
