I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
