There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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