Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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