new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Randomize
