I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
