3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
