You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I cannot find my penis.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
