Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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