I puked a lego.
just tell him i said nine months
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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