This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
