guys are not supposed to queef...right?
birth control should be required to get into college
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
