and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
