This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
