you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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