Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
well, you know. whores of a feather.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
